{"id":259,"date":"2026-09-15T15:23:06","date_gmt":"2026-09-15T14:23:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/?p=259"},"modified":"2026-09-15T15:23:10","modified_gmt":"2026-09-15T14:23:10","slug":"the-universe-works-beyond-the-limit-of-my-strength","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/?p=259","title":{"rendered":"The Universe Works Beyond the Limit of My Strength"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe universe works beyond the limit of my strength.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is a story about worry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From December through to March 23rd, I worried constantly. Relentlessly. The kind of worry that hums in the background and then slowly takes over everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did that cause the stroke?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know. I may never know. But it feels worth acknowledging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even now, I don\u2019t feel quite right. It\u2019s as if my inner eye is slightly out of focus. I catch myself searching for a way back to who I was before\u2014and when I really look at that, it feels\u2026 daft. The old version of me would have embraced a new path, a new self, without hesitation. Yet this version of me is softer, more emotional, and\u2014if I\u2019m honest\u2014quietly afraid. Afraid of triggering another stroke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That fear needs to be moved through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it also needs to be honoured. Because it is part of the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is still a sense of wonder around what has happened. Alongside that, there\u2019s the practical reality\u2014I need to balance the medication, to recognise that not everything I\u2019m feeling is purely \u201cme\u201d or purely \u201cmy body.\u201d It\u2019s all part of the same mix now, and I have to learn how to live within it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I worried my way here. And now I\u2019m being asked to do the exact opposite\u2014to let go. To allow the universe, the flow, the higher self\u2014whatever name you give it\u2014to take over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And here\u2019s the irony: just at the moment I need that trust the most, doubt has crept in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s almost comical. Like losing your faith in the middle of a crisis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I don\u2019t work with faith. I work with knowing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know what I know. I\u2019ve felt it. I\u2019ve experienced the Watcher within, the movement of something deeper\u2014what I\u2019ve called the Black Flame\u2014the foundation I\u2019ve built myself upon. Even if someone else would call that delusion, I can say this: it\u2019s a powerful one. It has made me stronger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yet, the current is pushing doubt into my awareness anyway. Bluntly. Repeatedly. As if to say: you are not in control of every thought and feeling. There is something else here, something deeper, something that moves within you as much as you move within it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Time feels like it\u2019s speeding up. The world outside is shifting quickly. And here I am, being asked to slow down. To rest. The medication demands it. My body demands it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It feels like time might pass me by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I have to allow that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The changes from the stroke are no longer dramatic\u2014they\u2019re blending into everything. It\u2019s the smaller shifts that are becoming more noticeable now. Subtle, but real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And strangely, there\u2019s a gentleness in my body that I didn\u2019t know existed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It loves this world. It feels deeply. My sensitivities are sharper than I ever imagined they could be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve always said, \u201cI am not my body.\u201d And I still believe that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But now I also feel something else: a profound union.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is me\u2014the awareness, the observer, the one who knows. There is something higher, the Watcher. And then there is this cellular, animal body\u2014ancient, wise, and deeply alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And we are not separate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are in relationship. A symbiotic, complex, and at times fragile union\u2014trying to exist together within a harsh, entropic environment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know what caused the stroke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yes, there is blame. There is sorrow. There are moments where I feel I must have done something wrong\u2014something that harmed my body. That thought still brings tears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because I have worked so hard to keep us safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I come back to where I began:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The universe\u2014God, the Aeons, the Higher Self, whatever name fits\u2014is not separate from me. It is part of me. It sees more than I can see. It knows more than I can know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I am allowed to acknowledge that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am allowed to trust that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Especially when I feel like I can\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And perhaps most importantly\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doubt is allowed too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just not in charge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silveness<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cThe universe works beyond the limit of my strength.\u201d This is a story about worry….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-259","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random-things-that-i-write-about"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/phpTHk-4b","jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/259","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=259"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/259\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":261,"href":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/259\/revisions\/261"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=259"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=259"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/darkmoonrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=259"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}